Word on the street is that, due to a hosed budget, our state is going to increase state witholdings for the next 6 months. On the one hand, I want to see safety nets in place and social programs continue to be funded. On the other, I don't feel this is the way to do it. I'm especially chapped by the thought of a smaller paycheck, too.

I wonder if I can change my W-2 witholding status for 6 months to offset it? Do you think the voices in my head can count as dependents? If so, it's about time they started helping out around here!

Labels: misc, news

Can you believe this is Sesame Street's 40th anniversary? Pretty cool to consider that some of my favorite characters and concepts can be shared with Bean. One favorite was the pinball counting segment. We sing this with Bean a lot (while making him "dance," natch). I just learned that the voices are the Pointer Sisters - even better!

Labels: misc

My youngest niece would "hide" in the dog's crate. We were happy to oblige and play along. Besides, who knew a crate could be so useful? Apparently, we weren't thinking hard enough, because here's yet another use for them!

Labels: misc

I wake up every morning with a song in my head. It sounds much more upbeat and happy than it actually is. Most mornings I have some inane song - or worse, just one line of a song - stuck for the majority of the day. The song or snippet will loop ad nauseam and it drives me buggy.

Today, I got a bit of a twist. In addition the the mental jukebox selection (which, by the way is "I Love to Laugh" from Mary Poppins... somebody please kill me) I woke with random vocabulary words, too. Like a gerbil in a wheel, my brain is cycling through the song and throwing in "terpsichorean" and "churlish" Tourettes-style.

Seriously, what. the. hell?


I've found the best way to get the song out of my head is by infecting someone else with it.



You're welcome.

Labels: misc

You know what, Sarah's right. It is hard to wash your car while eating a burger...





p.s. Those commercials have always grossed me out.

Labels: misc

I heard this piece from BBC World Service on the way in to work. It summarizes Obama's first 100 days in 100 seconds. Look at all that has come his way in less than 3.5 months. And to think, I consider it a huge accomplishment if I just get to work on time...

Labels: misc, news

Wow, we went about making a baby all wrong.


This clever bit of entertainment was brought to you by Cassidy Curtis and Raquel Coelho. (And to think, we just did the week-by-week shots against a wall. This is way more fun!)

Labels: misc

Have you seen Will Ferrell doing Bush in "You're Welcome America?" No matter. This ad for it sums up why I love him (Will, that is).



After watching this, I've decided that "tenawesome" is a very handy word. To wit: I have tenawesome friends. Bean is tenawesome. And you are tenawesome for reading this blog.

Labels: misc

I blame spell check. If a word passes through spell check's filter, it must be fine, right? WRONG. Re-read what you're written especially if you're about to send an email to the whole company. Take this to heart even more so if you print something. (I once worked at ExecuTrain where we received a written thank you note to all the "Executrix" trainers. It made us giggle for days.)

Before hitting send, remember this:

• Advice/Advise - The former is the noun; the latter the verb. If you are giving advice, then you are advising.


• Intact/In tack - You mean the first one. Yes, you do. Unless, of course, you actually *are* referring to something inside a small nail or push pin...
  

And if you're unsure on the your/you're or there/their usage, I suggest a quick review.

Labels: misc, pet peeves

Picture it: a late night and a family getting ready for bed. Mama is brushing her teeth, Mommy is changing the baby's diaper on the bed. Mama finishes brushing just in time to hear, "OOP! Shoot! Quick - grab me a towel!"

The scene in the bedroom looks like this: semi-nude boy child with his nether regions exposed and his Mommy (quite unsuccessfully) trying to catch and hold his pee. Seems someone forgot to A) put Bean down on his changing pad and B) put a fresh diaper underneath. Since it's so late, the mommies briefly consider not changing the sheets. (Oh, hush - it's warm for a moment and it was late! Plus it was a MOMENT.) Before the decision can even be debated, the youngest amongst us decided to decide for us.

By peeing AGAIN. Without a diaper.

We never learn.

Labels: Bean, misc

I came across this artist on the NY Times website. If you want to waste some time, take a look at his work. Very clever. If you don't have time, then I'll just share one of my faves from his I LEGO N.Y. series:


(Once I've figured out how to juggle work and Bean with longer blog posts, I'll get back to 'em. Until then, posts will be abbreviated. Bear with me.)

Labels: misc, time wasters

Growing up in the Midwest, I always anxiously awaited this day. To me it signaled the end of all that god-awful snow and cold. Sadly, I was bitterly disappointed every year when it would snow on the vernal equinox. You'd think I would have cottoned onto the fact that this pattern was never broken, but - alas - I was deluded and stubborn (and eternally optimistic).

I now live in LA where warm weather is the norm. That today marks the beginning of Spring is more a notch on the calendar, but it still remains my favorite day. I guess if you spend enough time in Hell (which, I might add, is a frigid, icy place in my mind - no flames and warmth) then a warm intro to Spring is the least that Mother Nature can give you.

Labels: misc

Thanks to your helpful feedback, I decided on the SLR-like Panasonic Lumix. (Thanks, Anonymous, whoever you are!) It's not a full-on SLR, but I want to make sure I'm actually going to use it before sinking money into a big girl camera. I've only started playing around with the settings and functionality, but so far I love it. With fewer than a dozen photos snapped, I got this shot in the living room, at night, with very low light and no flash:


With the old camera this would have been a blurry mess or almost black. I am in love!

Labels: misc, recommendations

I've been out of the office for five months. The last time I went five months without going to a job was... never. Okay, that's not entirely true. I worked for myself for a while, but I still went into an office. Granted, the office was in my house, but just go with me on this.

Tomorrow will be my first day back since going on maternity leave, and the prospect is really weirding me out. Not that I've been there for a million years or anything, but I have been there longer than many. Now that I'm returning, I feel a little like the new kid at school again. In the time I've been gone, employees have been hired and fired, and life has proceeded without me.

I'm sure I'll settle right back into the groove, but still. It feels weird.

Labels: misc

A friend sent me a link to another quiz. This one figures out which daemon you'd have if the His Dark Materials (The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass) books were real life. It's kind of a long-ish quiz, but it's Friday and you don't feel like being at work anyway, right?

According to the quiz, I'm a shy, loving soul and would probably have a rabbit or a dik-dik as a daemon. The 7-year-old in me is giggling at the thought of me with a dik-dik. They are cute, though...

Labels: misc, time wasters

We have an ongoing debate in our household. Well, "debate" may be giving it more polish or weight than it deserves. Regardless, it centers around our floors and their cleanliness.

See, I was raised to always wear slippers or shoes. I'm not certain, but I guess my parents' rationale was that it kept our socks from getting filthy and from needing to be replaced often. Who knows. What it means is that, after so many years of footwear, I feel more comfortable in something with a sole than without.

Sweetie was raised with cats. This means that she is used to cat hair and cat effluvium all over the house. I, on the other hand, think that litter tracked around the house is nothing more than doo-doo sprinkles underfoot. Gross, right?

This is the crux of the matter. When I come home, my natural inclination is to keep my shoes on and proceed about my business. This drives Sweetie nuts. She's all for the Japanese way of thinking. If you wear your shoes indoors, then you're tracking all the outside dirt inside. And in the near future, Bean will be crawling in it.

But... doo-doo sprinkles everywhere is okay. Someone please explain this "logic."

Labels: misc

Back in college, I had a roommate who would actually watch the home shopping channel. Not just oops-I-was-channel-surfing-and-the-phone-rang. No, she would turn on the TV, go to that channel, and plop down for some tube time. Not only that, but when her family would visit they would all sit around our apartment watching QVC. I know people joke about what you have to put up with for the sake of family, but family-time around the television watching QVC?? Come. On. I would sit in my room listening to the insipid hosts with their overly-perky voices urging watchers to "just use Tootie!" and my eyes would practically get stuck from rolling so far into the back of my head.

Don't worry, it's not like I was scarred by the event. It's a memory that was refreshed the other night when I was channel surfing and saw this:



An entire show devoted to TAN TOWELS! Tan! Like, the most boring color ever. And a whole show on the most boring product they could possibly pair with the most boring color. What's next? "101 Uses for Wheat Germ" on Food Network?

Labels: misc

Apparently, Bed Bath & Beyond hates babies. Maybe they have a thing against carrying baby stuff. Or perhaps they feel that parents shouldn't catch a break on their pricing.

We got one of those ubiquitous 20% off coupons from BBB. We were going to use the coupon to buy an ERGO, so out of curiosity, I read the fine print. See if you can spot the trend:

Not valid for the purchase of gift cards, All-Clad, Alessi, Baby Jogger, Baby Planet, BOB, Bugaboo, Bumbleride, Capresso, DKNY, ERGOBaby, iJoy, kate spade, Lenox, Maclaren, Margaritaville, Maxi-Cosi, Miele, Monique Lhuillier, Mountain Buggy, Mutsy, Nambe, Nautica, Orbit Baby, Oreck, Orrefors Kosta Boda, Pediped, Peg Perego, Phil & Teds, NettoCollection, CUBKids by Netto, Quinny, Richard Ginorini, Riedel, Robeez, Shooting Stars Portrait Studio, Stokke, Svan, Tempur-Pedic, Tommy Bahama, Uppa Baby Products, Vera Wang, Versace, Waterford, Wedgwood or Wusthof products,

Twenty-one (21) out of forty-five (45) are baby products... you could even argue that the other brands have something to do with babies. When Bean graduates from the Moby wrap to the ERGO, guess where we won't be buying it? Where's the love, Bed Bath and Beyond?

Labels: misc, please try again

One of my favorite getting to know you/dinner party/bored and curious questions is "if we all lived on a commune, what would be your contribution?" I find it interesting because it shows what people truly enjoy. (It's also a little depressing to hear how few of us are actually doing what we wish we could be doing.) For my contribution I'd be a furniture maker. Never mind the fact that I've only made a few tables in my life, or that my woodworking tools were left behind when we moved to LA. The smell of sawdust and the calming repetition of hand planing soothes me and I enjoy it tremendously.

Eventually, we want to buy a house here, and when we do, I'm getting my wood shop back together. I'd love it if that shop could be my little cottage industry. Over the weekend I made a bed rail for Bean. It took me all of 20 minutes, but it felt really good. I'd rather the kids see me producing something tangible than wondering why Mama's such a crank after being in the office all day. The only downside is money. They say the only way to end up with a little bit of money from woodworking is to start with a great, big pile of it and watch as you piss it away. This is why the commune question is illuminating. In a perfect world, money wouldn't be a consideration.

What about you? If money/time/ability weren't a problem, what would your contribution be?

Labels: misc, time wasters

I came across an online quiz that tests your lesbian-ness. Since I'm sitting here with a sleeping Bean and nothing better to do, I took the quiz. A dozen questions later and it turns out...



[wait for it]



I am 38% lesbian and "either [I am] a male and therefore cannot be a lesbian... or else [I am] a very very straight woman!"

Ummmm...

Could someone explain to me how a woman who has considered herself gay for the last 15+ years, who has been with women exclusively for that period of time, and who has a son whose birth certificate has two women's names on it can be only 38 percent lesbian?

Sweetie took it, too, and she scored a 33%. Methinks this quiz is off a bit (or the quiz's author is trying to hide that she's a big, ol' lesbo).

Labels: misc, time wasters

The votes are in and, though I didn't win, I was thrilled to even be invited to the dance. When you consider that I've been at this for such a short time, and already got some recognition from all y'all, it makes me very proud and extraordinarily thankful. Aside from the personal recognition, I'm happy to see a growing awareness of this little slice of life. That an award category for Best Lesbian Parenting blog even exists is pretty cotton pickin' cool.

Sincere congratulations to the winner in this category - Lesbian Dad. Take some time and pop over to her site, because that is some damn fine reading. Also support the other winners, and lesbian blogs in general. You'll find your life enriched for the experience.

Labels: misc

Wondering why today's post is so late? Of course you are. I've spent the better part of my day trying to wade through tax code to figure out how to file. If you are a gay couple and are registered domestic partners AND you had the nerve to have a child in the last tax year, then boy are you in for some fun!!

The federal government considers me head of household (HOH). They came to this conclusion because I have a dependent for whom I provided more than half of the financial support. As a result, Uncle Sam will be giving me a nice little chunk of change. Cheers!

In California, we are registered domestic partners, but this is in conflict with my HOH federal filing status. In order for my state filing status to match my federal, I have to either A) change federal status to married (which I can't, so thanks for nothing on that front, US government!) or B) lie on my state return and say that we didn't live together for more than half the year (which totally plays into the religious right's hand about how we are flaky and our relationships don't last). H&R Block gives me a great way to circumvent this. (That's sarcasm, in case it didn't translate.)

For me to be able to file electronically - without lying - I have to:

• create a federal return as HOH


• file said return electronically


• go back and create a SECOND federal return, this time as married, filing separately - we won't even get into the fact that doing so doubles the amount of time this will take


• do not file this return, but use it for state


• create a state return as married, filing separately


• mail in state return, lest an electronic submission show a conflict


• delete second federal return

It makes me want to smack those sanctity of marriage morons more than I regularly want to.

If you find yourself in the same boat, here are a couple resources we found to be helpful: H&R Block's advice and an article in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Labels: misc

"He had a blow out."

"Again? He just pooped ten minutes ago!"

"Well, then what's that spot on his pants?"

"I dunno - is it poop juice? Here - smell it."

If you can go through this scenario AND you actually smell the spot, then you've officially passed the parent test. A world of wonder and excrement are in store for you.

(Yeah, I smelled it. It was poop juice.)

Labels: Bean, misc

Today is the day when single people bemoan their singledom and couples across the country engage in ridiculous acts of clichéd romance. Heaven forbid you just say "I love you" - and mean it - on any old day. Noooo... you need the blessings of the greeting card industry and a stuffed bear clutching a satin heart to adequately convey your emotions. I know it will shock you to hear that I've never been much a fan of Valentine's Day. Thankfully, my sweetie feels the same. Now that a baby's in the picture, it's even more ridiculous.

I look at photos of candlelit, rose petal strewn bedrooms and laugh. Our bedroom, by comparison, stacks up like this:

THEIRS	OURS
candlelight	nightlight
scattered rose petals	burp cloths everywhere
romantic music	the melodious sounds of Bean making one of his signature crappuccinos
champagne	breast milk
slinky lingerie	XXL t-shirt given to me by the car dealership - complete with breast milk stains
sex toys and lube	teething rings and spit

And finally:

THEIRS	OURS

Somehow I don't think this is the image Hallmark was going for...

Labels: misc

You like me, you really like me! Of all the lesbian parenting blogs out there, my lil ol' blog has been nominated as one of the Top 3 Parenting blogs by TheLesbianLifestyle.com. Can you believe it?! Many thanks to all who got me this far - y'all rock.

Now that I'm in the running, I'm going to whore myself out again (I have no shame) and ask that you vote. You can vote once every 24 hours and the voting continues until February 18. So tell your friends, tell your sweetie, heck, tell the milkman to vote for me. (Don't forget to click the confirmation link in your email, else the vote doesn't count!)

To sweeten the pot, I promise a new photo of Bean every day until voting ends. Again, no shame. Here's your first taste:

Labels: misc

Say you're really cheesed off at someone. To add insult to injury, said person shows no remorse. What if there was a dedicated Apology Day and that person could (or was forced to?) apologize. Would that make you feel any better? Author Tom Perrotta thinks it would. He believes that a national Grievance Day followed by a national Apology Day will make the world a better place.

Though the idea sounds lovely, I have to disagree. Already, the words "I'm sorry" have been diluted into nothingness. "I'm sorry" is used to convey everything from "Oops, I got mustard on you" to "I just ran over your grandmother." That little phrase has a whole lot of ground to cover. The same can be said of "I love you," though to a lesser degree. It's kind of like our national debt. When you've used a word (in this case "trillion") too often, it becomes irrelevant. A trillion dollars no longer seems like such a big deal.

Seems to me then that an Apology Day would be just another drop in a leaky bucket. Why bother?

Labels: misc, news

My mom says she gets a kick out of how much I get a kick out of being a mom. I really do love it. From conception all the way until now, it's been a joy having Bean in my life.

Except for one thing. It's not the late night feedings or the explosive diapers, like one may think. It's my bra. Specifically how I've worn one almost 24/7 (except for when showering) since October. I am *really* tired of my boulder holder.

Just thought I'd share.

Labels: misc

Before moving here, we heard a litany of reasons why we'd hate LA. The smog, the plastic people, the traffic... After living here 3+ years, the one thing I agree with is the traffic. It's ridiculous. The 101 is always congested. We've driven over it in the wee hours of a weeknight, only to see it backed up. Like I said - ridiculous. Thankfully, the fault seems to lie in quantity, not quality. Drivers here are no worse than the drivers I've seen in other cities.

Take, for example, the little old man I saw in an Ohio DMV. He was easily 80-years-old. I watched as he tottered up to the counter to take his visual exam. Here's pretty much how it went down:


DMV Employee (indicating)
Go ahead and press your forehead against the bar on this machine.

Little Old Man
Huh?

DMV Employee (louder)
I said, "Go ahead and press your forehead against the bar on this machine."

Little Old Man (cupping ear)
What?

DMV Employee (louder and pantomiming)
Press your forehead here!!"

Little Old Man
Oh, okay.

DMV Employee (practically shouting)
Read me the smallest line on the eye chart you can manage.

Little Old Man
"E"

DMV Employee
...
Can you read anything smaller?

Little Old Man
No.

DMV Employee
Okay.
Now we're going to test your peripheral vision. Do you see a flashing light?

Little Old Man (cupping ear)
What?

DMV Employee
DO YOU SEE A FLASHING LIGHT? LIKE, MAYBE TO YOUR LEFT? PERIPHERALLY??


The sad thing is, she ended up passing the guy. Damn near deaf and blind, and none-too-steady on his pins, yet he was still a licensed driver in the state of Ohio. I made sure I hustled my butt and got out of that office before he hit the road.

There must be an extraordinarily low bar for DMV excellence satisfaction. The BBC reported today of a woman in her late 60s who has failed the written portion of the test 771 times. If you worked in a DMV, would you even let someone take a test 771 times? The mind reels. I wouldn't make that many attempts at anything, much less something for which the 771 failures represented only the first half of the total goal. Think about her on the road practicing for the driving portion of the exam.

And then think about how driving in LA doesn't seem so bad...

Labels: misc, news

For the majority of my life, I've had short hair. As such, I'm usually back at my hairdresser's every 4-5 weeks, lest my 'do becomes a don't. But now I have what my sweetie calls recession hair. It's when you maximize your time in between cuts so as to minimize the impact on your wallet. My last haircut was before Christmas, which means I'm heading into week 7 or 8 on this one. It also means I've gone from a cute Mary J. Blige sort of cut:


to a Rod Blagojevich un-style:


It ain't pretty. I think it's time to make an appointment.


(For those of you who recognized the provenance of the subject line, bravo. For those unfamiliar with the Bugs Bunny cartoon "Broomstick Bunny," it's high time you learned.)

Labels: misc

I think getting into the top 3 nominated blogs for this award is about as likely as me holding political office, but what the heck? Click on over and nominate this site (http://irreverent-mother.blogspot.com/) for best Parenting/Wedding lesbian blog. I know you can do it with a clear conscience, because how many lesbian parenting blogs do you really read anyway? You can vote once every 24 hours. Tell your friends to vote, too. It'll be an interesting social experiment, if nothing else!



Voting started yesterday (so we're already behind the 8 ball) and continues until the 9th, so go on, shoo! Get to votin'! Love ya!

Labels: misc

I haven't had much to say, but a friend's email this morning has changed that. The original email was sent to us and another friend (Sara C) who just had twins a month ago. Rather than comment on our thread, I thought I'd just post it here.


-------- Original Message --------
From: Sara W
Subject: relax & enjoy
To: KarenSeeta, Sara C
Date: Monday, February 2, 2009, 9:58 AM



seriously guys -- what the hell are you doing all day??

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Re: relax & enjoy
From: Sara C
Date: Mon, February 02, 2009 10:13 am
To: KarenSeeta, Sara W

Sorry, I couldn't get past the headline. I tried to read it, but Jayna had to be fed, then Zan spit up on the dog, then he started wailing while Jayna needed to be changed, then Zan needed to be fed, then Jayna had to go the doctor and then it was midnight. I'm typing this with one hand while trying to drink cold tea I made 2 hours ago.

So what was the article about? :-)

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: RE: Re: relax & enjoy
From: KarenSeeta
Date: Mon, February 02, 2009 10:48 am
To: Sara C, Sara W

I'm just now getting to reading this. In my bathrobe. Because I just got out of the bedroom for the first time today. At 10:30 (and this is one of my work from home days). Last night's "let's try a 9pm bedtime so we can unwind after he's down" became "or not" as we bounced, comforted, fed, fed again (and we wonder why Bean's as big as he is...), burped, changed, entertained and FINALLY saw our little one off to a sound sleep - at midnight. The night progressed thusly: dream feed before we went to sleep, proceed to feed approximately every 2 hours (Special note to Bean's pediatrician: yes, I know he's big enough to sleep through the night, and yes, I'm on board with that. A child crying every two hours next to my head leads me to believe he isn't on board.), then the chronic feedings produced a symphony of farts, which in turn became productive and created a poop barely contained by the confines of his diaper. After changing, I gave up on the idea of making up for lost sleep and stumbled out here.

So you'll forgive me if I sit here in my robe, with my oh-so-lovely bedhead, mainlining caffeine.

Labels: Bean, misc

In the not-too-distant past, I used to run on a solid 8 hours' sleep - 9 if I could get 'em and 10 didn't suck. Fast forward to now and here it is, not even 8:00 in the morning (I fell asleep last night around 1:00) and I've been up long enough to take care of all the pets, prep breakfast for when my sweetie and Bean wake, do dishes and write this post. Who am I??

Labels: misc

I just read about the presidential invitation I received. As it turns out, one million were printed.

So, how do you like them apples - I really am one in a million!

Labels: misc

Today is MLK Day (and, coincidentally, the eve of the inauguration of our first black president). A day when federal offices, schools and some workplaces take the day off to... um... do what exactly? Go out and renew our fight for civil rights? Work to equalize the standing of all citizens? Reflect on the many facets of discrimination and how we can end them? Because it doesn't seem to me that we do any of this.

First, let me emphatically state that I don NOT begrudge Martin Luther King, Jr. his day. I very much believe in all he stood for and think that the country really should stop on this day and remember why. Why he's remembered, why he fought in the first place, why it is such a tragedy that his life ended far too soon.

However, what I don't get is why MLK should get his own day while other activists do not. Why not César Chávez Day or Harvey Milk Day? (Actually, Chávez does get holiday status, but only in a handful of states.) We afford veterans a day of reflection - and you actually see officials doing something appropriate. It's like this day means as much as getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame - lots of pomp and circumstance, but no substance. (Pat Sajak and Ryan Seacrest have stars. 'Nuff said.)

If all the veterans can have Veteran's Day and presidents can be lumped together into Presidents' Day, then why not create a generic Human Decency Day and then do something meaningful with it? Is it because we don't want it to be just another day that car dealers and mattress stores can use for sales purposes, or is it because we don't want to acknowledge the fact that we really aren't all that kind to our fellow humans?

Tomorrow's inauguration hails the start of a new era. I am hopeful that it will turn the tide on our country's mindset. Gone will be atrocities (I'm looking at you, Gitmo), and in will come more decency. I think it's the best way to honor the memory of Dr. King.

Labels: misc

When we were growing up, my mom always tackwards balked. Believe it or not, I think it has helped me in several ways. For example, I can understand people with thick accents pretty well. Something about always decoding what was being said must have been analogous to learning another language and having that part of my brain stimulated. (Mom sent me a CD of political satire and this piece called "Lirty Dies" was a piece of cake for me to understand. Listen to it and see if you get the gist.)

Anyway, I wonder if the tackwards balking hasn't made me slightly dyslexic in some cases. When I type, my fingers get tripped up and "name" invariably gets typed as "nmae." It's not like it's a hard word or anything. Also the word "revelation" always wants to come out of my mouth as "relevation." Try it - relevation rolls off the tongue really easily, doesn't it? See my problem?

Practice this enough and it's as easy to speak and understand as Pig Latin. Practice too much, and you'll find yourself unintentionally whipping your flurds on "struck me funny" in mixed company...

Labels: misc

I've waited my whole life for a sign that I've finally arrived. I think an embossed invitation from the President-Elect rates favorably.


An embossed invite to a TOTALLY PUBLIC EVENT.

Sigh...

Labels: misc, politics

I'm no champion of Wal-Mart, but I though this bit of news was worth sharing.

Wal-Mart announced that sometime in 2009, it will begin offering customers a new discount item... Wal-Mart's own brand of wine.

The world's largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price -- in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "There is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, Professor of Marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. "However, branding will be very important."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

• Chateau Traileur Parc


• White Trashfindel


• Big Red Gulp


• World Championship Riesling


• NASCARbernet


• Chef Boyardeaux


• Peanut Noir


• I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar


• Grape Expectations


• Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (possum) or red meat (squirrel).

P.S. Don't bother writing back that this is a hoax. I know possum is not a white meat.

Even better than Two Buck Chuck!!

(Thanks to Mom for sending this. I can always use a good chuckle.)

Labels: misc, news

I hate to exercise. I know it's something I should do, but getting me motivated is close to impossible. I can also be very compelling in getting those around me to succumb to slothdom. I mean, which would you rather do: snuggle in bed, or go for a hike at the crack of dawn? True, the panoramic view from Runyon Canyon is pretty impressive, but that doesn't mean I'm ever going to drag my butt from bed just after the sun has risen to see it. My sweetie used to go with a friend and hike at that ungodly hour, but I felt no such compulsion. Instead, I did my level best to maintain the perfect temperature in bed (a job I did quite well, I might add).

Fast forward to now. I have given birth and, though I'm pretty close to my pre-pregnancy weight, the ways in which said weight are distributed are less than flattering. Which means it's time to bite the bullet and get off my duff. So I turned to an exercise DVD: 30 Day Shred. I thought it'd be a decent compromise - getting in a workout while watching Jillian Michaels' hot bod. The good news is I'm actually sticking to it. The bad news is the first level has been handing. me. my. ass. The jury's still out on whether or not it's a worthwhile endeavor. At the end of 30 days, if I haven't died, I'll let you know.

Labels: misc

Well, the obvious reason is it's a cold weather sport. Cold weather and I get along not one bit. In fact, I think it only took me 15 minutes to acclimate to California temps. Having spent far too much of my life near Cleveland (and never having enjoyed the 6 months of snow per year or the sub-zero days), I never again want to hear the words "lake effect snow." The only thing I find the least bit redeeming about skiing is the lodge. Sitting around drinking warm adult beverages in front of a roaring fire is more my speed.

And then you read stories like this. Hanging upside down from a lift with your pants around your knees, your bits exposed to the cold and an enlarged image of your bare rear on the BBC website - these would be more reasons to never ski. It reminds me of the old joke about the skier who needed to pee. Really, is it any wonder why I don't bother with the white stuff?

My sweetie says this post should have been written thusly:

Why I don't ski

The End.

Labels: misc, news

The Chinese dairy scandal is, to my way of thinking, a snapshot of all that is wrong with industry. Avarice... deceit... death. And then, to top it all off, they had the unmitigated gall to send an apology by texting people. Are they kidding???? This is what you'd expect from someone who'd just given you a paper cut, for crying out loud, not from huge corporations who have CAUSED THE ILLNESS OR DEATH OF YOUR BABY.

Trials have begun and I have no sympathy for any of the defendants. None. In fact, one defendant lost the use of his legs (not sure if this means they're broken or he's paralyzed) after a botched suicide attempt. I'm actually glad the attempt failed. I think he should be held accountable for this atrocity and not get to take the quick/easy way out. It's part of what got him into this mess in the first place!

My heart goes out to those affected by this. Only the education and action of the public will be able to slow the tide of malfeasance, both industrial and political. To encapsulate it, I quote the bumper sticker that reads, "If you aren't outraged, you aren't paying attention."

Labels: misc, news, please try again

If only it seemed like postpartum depression - the uncontrollable crying or the thoughts of suicide - I'd be able to identify it. Instead, I find myself in a state of what? postpartum rage maybe? It's constant. At best, it's below the surface and somewhat controlled. Much of the time, however (and unfortunately), it presents as me being a chronic grump. I snap at the least provocation and, in my mind, I'm doing some very unfriendly things to those closest to me.

And don't even get me started on the whereabouts of my sex drive. It's like I'm playing Marco Polo with my libido. For one who is normally very interested and who rarely needs encouragement, I am now sexually anorexic. This plays (I'm sure heavily) into the snapping and fighting, too. Talk about insult to injury.

The only times I feel sane and peaceful are when I'm alone with Bean, and even that's not a sure thing. My fickle moods have me wanting nothing more than to be alone with him, only to be resentful of the fact that I can't be away from him for more than an hour or two. The really messed up aspect of this is I have a very understanding partner who would gladly make either scenario a reality, but I can't seem to hold onto one desire long enough to make that happen.

So. For the girl who never makes New Year's resolutions, it seems I now have two: to clean up my language and to find a therapist, stat. Anyone have any recommendations?

Labels: misc

Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK! Fuck fuck... Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, "Fuck fuck fuck," fuck fuck.

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck?? Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck - fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck; fuck, fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Fuck!!

The word loses all perspective after typing it so many times.

Now that I have that out of my system, I can begin my New Year's resolution.

Labels: misc

Time for a little SAT-inspired quiz.

December is to jewelry commercials as:

A) October is to political campaign ads (Because the elections! They're coming!!)

B) January is to Jenny Craig and Bally's commercials (Your unrealistic resolutions are our bread and butter!)

C) Me wanting to puke about all of the above


If you picked C, then pack your bags for Harvard!

Seriously, the ways in which advertisers patronize us really disgusts me. Are we not bright enough to think on our own? Do you really think that airing those revolting Six Dollar Burger spots during the dinner hour will magically make me think that they count as food? Ikea is one of the few companies that not only treats us like educated adults, but their ads are funny and thoughtful.

Exhibit A



Exhibit B (wherein the voice-over asks
"Why shouldn't sofas come in flavors, just like families?")



Exhibit C (Eco-minded and gay!)



At this time of year, television is littered with ads for jewelry stores. These companies are about as on the mark as Carl's Jr. yet they annoy me more. "Every kiss begins with Kay..." Which sounds like "Every kiss begins with K," so I always respond "And it ends with a bleeping S, you idiot." (Can't tell me those Hooked on Phonics tapes aren't paying off handsomely!) Sarah Haskins of Current TV feels my pain:


"I was worried I was a boring guy in a sweater." See? She gets me. Madison Ave? Please try again.

Labels: misc, please try again

Last week my sweetie noticed that our computer was running really slowly. Around the same time, I began experiencing weirdness with Firefox. New tabs would open and go to random sites. (I rarely waited to see which ones. Since I didn't initiate going there, I certainly wasn't going to stick around and wait for it to load.) The window would auto resize - a developer trick that I hate - and general funky behavior all around. None of this concerned me overly much. We run McAfee and don't fall for stupid phishing tricks.

And then I went to the bank. I tried to make a deposit in the ATM and it kept saying "Unauthorized Use" on my account. (Quick FYI to the banking systems: if anyone wants to make a deposit to my accounts, then it's fine with me. Authorize away!) So I went into the bank to see what was going on. Apparently, Visa noticed suspicious behavior on my account and deactivated my debit card. Bugger. Well, it's a mild inconvenience, but better than discovering thousands of dollars of fraudulent activity.

A couple of hours later I was at the grocery store. I'd forgotten about the loss of my debit card, so I tried to pay with my regular Visa instead. "Bad swipe," it said. Hmmmm... This card was issued by my bank, too. Methinks something afoul is afoot. Back at home, a quick call to the bank reveled the bad news. My online banking account had been compromised.

[Lightbulb. Okay, dim lightbulb.]

Ohhhhhhhhh. The weirdness on the computer, the slowness, the hacked account. It had to be a virus! (This is where my no swearing was going to be tested.) Mother puss bucket.

I forced an update and scan on McAfee and it found... nothing. Nothing?? Seriously? So I hit the interweb to do some research. The symptoms certainly sounded like this trojan, but the files didn't match. I thought something would turn up on a McAfee forum. Oh look! There was something! Loads and loads of people complaining about how McAfee is worthless and never finds things that free programs easily discover. It was around this time that I was beginning to see the light and agree with those forum posters.

So I grabbed AVG, Search & Destroy and Malwarebytes - all of which were free. In the first run, more than 70 threats were detected, one of which was Vundo, which is a nasty little trojan. (Thanks for nothing McAfee!!) I ran all three programs, rebooted, and ran them again. It still pulled up the Vundo trojan and a few other issues. Scrub the trojan, re-run, reboot, try again. Stupid Vundo - it's still there. Scrub the trojan, re-run, reboot, try again. Still there. This is getting old. Finally I found the trick online. Scrub the trojan, re-run, reboot without a network connection, try again. Success!!

So what have we learned? First and foremost, we learned that McAfee isn't worth a poop. Secondly, we found that resetting all bank accounts and debit cards and credit cards is a major pain. Take my advice and don't rely on McAfee (or Norton for that matter - they seem to be just as bad). Be proactive and run scans manually and regularly.

And make sure you have a bottle of vodka nearby.

Labels: misc

Remember this Shel Silverstein poem?

I'd rather play tennis than go to the dentist.
I'd rather play soccer than go to the doctor.
I'd rather play Hurk than go to work.
Hurk? Hurk? What's Hurk?
I don't know, but it MUST be better than work.

Well, tomorrow go to hurk instead of work. December 10 is No Gays For a Day. Call in queer to work - even if you aren't gay - supporters are always welcome!



Today is my first day back at work. Actually, I'm working part time from home to start. My boss has been great about wanting to modify my schedule so I can get as much Bean time as possible. For the rest of the year, I'm working 2 days per week. The nice thing is that the 2 days are really just 16 hours to be completed whenever I have time. If that means working at 3:00 in the morning on a Sunday because that's when I can get to it, then so be it, just as long as everything's done by the following week. It's perfect.

This is all to say that I won't really be calling in gay tomorrow. I will, however, not do any work, not spend any money and get the word out to as many people as possible. If you could do the same, that would be fab. If you can't miss work, I understand. Here are other ways you can help.

Labels: misc, politics

According to my grandfather, the definition of a good Catholic is an Episcopalian. He knows from whence he speaks - he converted to Catholicism to marry my grandmother. I guess what he means by this is if you want a religion that takes things too far, then the Episcopal church is for you. At least that's what makes the most sense given this New York Times story.

According to the news, some Episcopalians are still cheesed off by the ordination of a gay bishop five years ago. In fact, it's such an affront that they are petitioning to sever from the Episcopal Church and form a new denomination within the Anglican Communion. Heaven forbid that their religion be cheapened by acknowledging gays and lesbians as humans. (This from a group whose leaders are called primates... but I guess that's more an insult to monkeys and apes.) This is just one more reason why religion and spirituality are like chalk and cheese.

Happily, not all Episcopalians share this view.

Jim Naughton, canon for communications and advancement in the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, and a liberal who frequently blogs on Anglican affairs, said he doubted that a rival Anglican province could grow much larger.

"I think this organization does not have much of a future because there are already a lot of churches in the United States for people who don't want to worship with gays and lesbians," he said. "That's not a market niche that is underserved."

And you wonder still why I don't go to church.

Labels: misc, news

FunnyOrDie.com is at it again. We're still quoting from Will Ferrell's "Landlord" sketch. "Can I have 4 beers?" and "I'm just buzzed" are still favorites. Now they have a new one about Prop 8 that's pretty priceless. Jack Black plays Jesus - it just doesn't get much better.

Labels: misc, politics

I never make New Year's resolutions. I figure if I want to change something, then there's no time like the present to get it going. Actually, what it really means is that I can be a complete slack ass and not worry about having to make or maintain a resolution. But you probably figured that out already...

You've probably also gathered that I have an atrocious mouth on me. I can (and do!) swear like a trucker and don't often rein it in. It's just a part of my charm and fuck you if you don't like it.

I had a friend who taught her children that they could only swear if they asked permission. Her thinking was that the kids could know the words, but until they learned when and where those words were appropriate, they needed to ask her first. This was put to the test when her son was getting ready for a school event. She watched from across the gymnatorium as he stubbed the crap out of his toe. Limping, he came over to her and asked if he could please swear. She acquiesced and in a very quiet - yet emphatic - voice he said, "fuck, fuck, fuck." On the other hand, you have the way I was raised. We were taught that there were many more socially acceptable ways of saying something and swearing just meant you were uneducated or at the very least unimaginative.

Which is a perfect segue into my point. We've discussed how to address swearing and raising kids. Since we're still undecided as to which school of thought to follow, I've decided that I need to clean up my potty mouth regardless. I can't very well expect our son not to swear if I'm dropping F-bombs all over the place. As such, I'm going to stop swearing. I'll begin here (where it's easy to edit) and use it as practice for the new year. Maybe as January rolls around, I'll be able to make and keep my very first New Year's resolution. Fuckin' A, man.

Labels: misc

In my life, I've been lucky enough to know three of my great grandparents. By this, I mean that I have distinct memories of times spent with them. From Poppy's retelling of Uncle Wiggly stories, to the time Murphy's snores scared the shit out of me. An additional one or two great grandparents were alive in my life, but they died before I ever knew them.

In Bean's life, the great grandparent list is much smaller and is shrinking. His great grandfather's health isn't the best (he's actually in the hospital as I type). Both great grandmothers suffer(ed) from Alzheimer's and one of them had several recurrences with breast cancer.

Yesterday, Bean's great grand pool got even smaller when my grandmother Mimi passed away. She had Alzheimer's and breast cancer. When the cancer reemerged, she chose not to fight it. I think in her mind it was just a race to the finish. The Alzheimer's was progressing; she knew that she wasn't remembering things and it frustrated her. It hadn't yet gotten to the point of not recognizing her children (which I think is a fresh hell for the non-sufferers), but no new memories were sticking. The cancer was on its third round and I think she felt it was just time. For a woman who always maintained that 60 was old, living 20 some years beyond that was more than enough in her mind.


I'm sorry you never got to meet Mimi, Bean. Maybe in the next life you'll see her. You'll know it's her by the killer good beef stew she makes and the curly hair that it looks like you're inheriting. When you see her again, ask to play tiles with you - she'd like that.

Labels: misc

You know that saying "an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leaves the world blind and toothless?" I generally agree; all it does is perpetuate the very crime you're trying to cease. Kind of like capital punishment or telling your kid "I told you not to fucking cuss!"

Anyway, a court in Iran has ordered that a man be blinded. I was intrigued. Even though the article's title "Court orders Iranian man blinded" left little to the imagination, I didn't think it would so closely follow the saying. Turns out, that's exactly the case. A man threw acid onto a woman's face for refusing his marriage proposal. She needed reconstructive surgery to repair her face, but surgeons were unable to save her sight. (Sidebar: a general rule of thumb is that blinding and disfiguring your intended paramour is not the way to get her to say yes.) For this horrific crime, the courts have ruled that he, too, shall be blinded by acid.

Under normal circumstances, I'd think this was an ineffective ruling, but something about this seems just. I don't know what punishment would suit the crime more, and I'm tired of reading story after story about women abused and treated like so much chattel. This still isn't right, but some how, some way, it kind of is, ya know?

Labels: misc, news

We started the day with a decree. Today is to be spent taking it easy, watching movies and wearing soft clothes only. (It's one of the perks of not going anywhere - you get to wear schlumpy clothing and not give a hoot. Plus it allows for unlimited grazing throughout the day.)

For the first time together we watched the Macy's parade. It reminded me of being a kid. We'd watch the parade at my grandparents' house while hearing the sounds of breakfast being made. This morning made me miss the sounds of scraping the burnt off of toast and a geriatric coffee maker. Ah, Thanksgiving memories.

Right now, I'm watching Miracle on 34th Street, my sweetie is making a sweet potato pie, Bean's asleep in my lap and I couldn't be happier. I'm grateful for these little things - this is what Thanksgiving is all about.

Happy Turkey Day, all.

Labels: misc

I love this, but feel like some stops are missing. Maybe there's another line, or perhaps this train runs in more cities?



And is Bill O'Reilly really the second-to-last stop? Where does Bush the Stupider fall in all of this?

Labels: misc

I don't know if you've ever seen the commercials for Chemistry.com, but some of them feature gays who have been denied by eHarmony. The founder of eHarmony is a bigot Christian who doesn't think gays deserve to find love can be measured by their super-secret compatibility guide. (He's right - we aren't generally compatible with heterosexuals.) Anyway, in 2005 a gay man decided to call eHarmony out on it and filed suit.

And he won.

But if you ask me, it's a shallow victory. First, it took 3 years to reach a decision. Second, after all that time, he'll only receive $5,000. Third, gays still won't be able to use eHarmony. Instead, they are making a separate site for queers.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: SEPARATE IS NEVER EQUAL. It's just Jim Crow for gays and love.

Sigh.

Labels: misc, news

Remind me again why we should bail out the big 3 auto makers? Yes, I realize they're huge employers and shutting them down would result in loads of unemployed workers in not only the auto industry but through the ripple effect in secondary industries, too. I also realize that Detroit is becoming a ghost town and this wouldn't help.

But.

On Thursday the CEOs from Ford, GM and Chrysler arrived in Washington DC to plead their cases. They all wanted to stress how very desperate they are to get their hands on billions of dollars of aid. This is after the $25 billion they already received. After acknowledging that they lose hundreds of millions of dollars PER DAY.

And yet those rat bastard CEOs had the audacity to fly to DC on three separate private jets. To now turn around and shake that tin cup takes an unbelievable set of balls. I say those fuckers get nothing in the way of salaries or bonuses and they need to personally kick in towards saving the companies that they helped ruin. Oh, and stop making gas guzzlers, dumbasses.

Labels: misc, news

Today Bean's wearing his "World's Cutest Baby" onesie. It was given to him by his Nona and - I may be a bit biased here - it's truth in advertising. This is all to say that he looks cute as a bug.

Looking slightly less cute is me. We gave Bean some gripe water to settle his stomach a little while ago. I think we were a bit late. He still looks adorable and me? I'm now wearing a new shirt.



Who knew A) such a tiny stomach could hold so much milk and B) he could get that kind of propulsion?

I should also point out that after shellacking his Mama, Bean's now cooing and is quite happy. Natch.

Labels: Bean, misc

Dear Time Warner:

Why oh why do you SUCK SO HARD? Why is it that our internet and/or phone and/or cable are always crapping out? I mean, is it really so hard for you to keep your shit together? See, here's the deal. You pretty much have a monopoly on the market (and hey, aren't those illegal, by the way?) and we (foolishly) have everything running through cable. Our high speed internet access, our phone - we have VoIP - and then the cable television itself. The cost is reasonable this way. Since all our family, many friends and all of Nat's work are out of state, the money we save on long distance alone justifies this. Our alternative is to have satellite for the TV, a land line phone - with all those services and long distance service as add-ons, and then DSL. The cost difference is almost 50 bucks per month.

The money I send you each month, Slime Warner, really chaps my ass. On the one hand, I think it's a rip off - especially since you can't provide consistent service. On the other, is the consistency of your competitors really worth that kind of cash? And while we're on the subject of payment, why can't you even get your auto bill pay to work? Does ANYTHING work with y'all???

It's a damn good thing I don't own a gun, because I'd end up going all Elvis on the cable box.

Assholes.

Love,
Karen

Labels: misc

Many of you have seen this already, but note the update - NO GAYS FOR A DAY. Apparently, someone else was already working on the idea, so we're going with that date instead. The new date is December 10, which is a Wednesday. Think of it like this: if you call in "sick" to work on that day, then you'll have a two-day week, then a weekday break (great for watching Ellen), then another two-day week, and then it'll be the weekend. It's a perfect plan!

For more info, check out DayWithoutAGay.org or JoinTheImpact.com. See you all at the rally today!

Labels: misc

I was reading an article on the Prop 8 protests aloud to my mom. In it, the article mentions the Catholics and Mormons as backers of the ballot measure. My mom piped up and said, "Wait a minute. The Catholics are against gay marriage, but molesting altar boys is okay?! The Church is allowed to write off the priests as 'disturbed' while they sweep it under the carpet and ignore the issue?? They have some nerve!" This is why I love Mom.

An Episcopal church in Pasadena has the right view on it: "How dare a religious body say these people are not holy and these relationships are not holy?" [Emphasis mine]

Amen.

Labels: misc, politics

So, they don't tell you about belly buttons. And they don't tell you what a colossal sexpot you'll be. But what they really don't tell you is that you cannot leave the house for any period of time and still look presentable.

We went to pick my mom up from the airport the other night. (It's about a 30-45 minute trip.) Most parents will regale you with stories of how they dressed their little darlings in a great outfit, only to have them poop or spit up or somehow ruin the outfit. And this always seems to happen moments before meeting the grandparents for the first time.

But not us. No siree. I took one for the team. Bean looked like a little cherub. I, on the other hand, looked like I had a hard time working out the logistics of a glass of water.



Notice the semi circle of dryness? Yeah, that's where one nipple pad (of the three I was wearing per boob) took a stand. Figures...

Labels: Bean, misc

It's a new day, with a new president. I was watching the coverage last night, holding my breath. Would McCain't try and pull a fast one like Bush the Stupider did in 2000? Would we go to bed not knowing the outcome? The margins were looking promising, but the past 8 years have done nothing to assuage my fears. My mom couldn't even watch for fear that she would somehow jinx it. I held my breath as the West Coast polls closed and then saw the projected results. And I'm not ashamed to say this - I cried.

I cried tears of joy because finally it seems our country hasn't lost its fucking mind. I cried because our son (and all sons and daughters) will grow up knowing that he can be whatever he wants to be. I cried for all the people who felt disenfranchised, downtrodden and just plain broken by our government.

For once, my mental jukebox has served up the perfect song for the occasion:



It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for all of us. Happy day, all.

Labels: misc, politics

I voted today

... and it wore me out.

Actually, our voting today was a breeze. Since the last election, our polling place has changed. (For the last election, it was in the dining room of a retirement community. It cracked me up to hear some old, white guy say, "Who'd you vote for? I voted for the black fella. You know, black power!" Good times.) Though we could walk to the old place, this new polling location had a parking spot right in front and we only had to wait 10-15 minutes in line. With the news coverage talking about 4 and 5 hour waits, I was a little nervous, but nothing was keeping me from doing what I had to do.

In all seriousness, if you haven't already, please vote today. Nothing is a foregone conclusion and your vote matters. Even if you don't feel your individual ballot will make a difference, then vote because people have fought and died for your right to do so. Vote because it makes a point. Vote because it will make you feel better. Vote because you're sick and tired of the state of our country. Vote because it's patriotic. Hell, vote because there's a chance you'll meet a hottie in the lines. Whatever your motivation, get out and vote.

[p.s. to Auntie Moi: Bean is wearing the outfit you gave him - the little footies are so damn cute!!]

Labels: misc, politics

I was just sitting here with Bean asleep on my lap when I saw a flash of light. I thought, "Who the hell is in my front yard taking pictures??" Not a half second after having that thought, an ear-splitting peal of thunder sounded. Less than a half second after that, it started to pour down rain. No preamble, no heads up, just straight into a full on thunderstorm.

That lasted maybe 10 minutes. And then left. Only in Southern California...

(And only in Hollywood, would my first thought be that someone was taking pictures instead of it being lightning. Figures.)

Labels: misc

I read this on the BBC this morning. Apparently, there is a sign in Wales that needed the English translated into Welsh. What the council received was (they thought) the translation. However, what the email really said was "I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated." And, given the directional arrow, I guess you need to send the translation request to the residential site at your left.


Now I wish my out of office reply could be as funny. Instead it says something along the lines of "Left to have a baby. Back sometime in the future." Maybe I should have it translated into Welsh...

Labels: misc, news

If you think about it, Prop 8 is like a microcosm of the whole election. To my mind, David Sedaris' recent piece in The New Yorker about undecided voters perfectly explains the two sides:

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. "Can I interest you in the chicken?" she asks. "Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?"

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?

Do you remember that part in Ferris Bueller where Cameron decides he needs to take a stand? It's right after the car goes crashing into the ravine. Anyway, this is kind of like that. At some point, you have to be very still, stop listening to the bullshit and realize that it's time you made yourself heard. This kind of change begins with you.

In that spirit, a friend of mine is staging her own protest against this ballot measure. She says, "I've decided to make myself feel better by standing up to the homophobic fuckheads by holding up my sign." Since all politics is local, I don't know of any better way to amp up the visibility of this issue.

"Let us not concern ourselves with what we have tried and failed, but with what it is still possible to do. Let us spare no energy that the nation and the world may be better for our efforts." - Tip O'Neill

So tomorrow, if you have the time, please join up with my friend at West Hollywood Park at 3:00. Bring a sign if you have it and your desire to take a stand. Tell her I sent you.

Labels: misc, politics

I mentioned a while back that there were some things that you never read about when it comes to motherhood. Belly buttons being one of them and now the awesome sex appeal of a new mom. Seriously. I don't know how Nat can keep her hands off of me. It's after 2:00 and I've yet to shower. Not only have I not showered, but I'm sitting here writing this post in my breast milk encrusted bathrobe. Oh, but wait! It gets even better! Thanks to the joys of engorgement and an overly active letdown, I'm sitting with a towel tucked under my boobs, because the milk WON'T STOP FLOWING. Notice I said 'towel' and not 'bucket.' We're only talking drips, but still - who tells you this stuff ahead of time??

My sister has a friend who doesn't have kids. She and her husband want them... eventually. Every time my sister talks about her births or the trials of motherhood, the friend proclaims that my sister just set her back another year in wanting to experience the same pleasures.

Now, my intent is not to turn people off from parenthood, but rather to provide the information necessary to make an informed decision. I consider it my public service announcement(s). Think about it. If more people really knew what they were getting themselves into, do you think there'd be as many teen pregnancies? Screw abstinence education. I think showing kids a picture of me in my (current) full glory would do the trick.

Labels: misc

A few days ago, my almost 86-year-old grandfather was musing about the state of the economy and politics. "You know," he said "I've voted Republican in every election since Wendell Wilkie. Since then, every time our economy has been in trouble, it's been under a Republican president." And with that he's changing his party and is voting for Obama.

If, after 48 years of being a staunch Republican - and 86 years of being quite stubborn to boot - he can change, then so can anyone. Just read the story of Sister Cecilia Gaudette for further proof. The good sister hasn't voted since 1952, is 106-years-old, and she's voting Obama, too.

It gives me hope.

Labels: misc, politics

Guess what happens on November 4th? Well, in my world (where I'm Empress and things run very well, thankyouverymuch) we will not only have a new Democratic president, but the state of California will also soundly defeat Prop 8. I was reading a blog this morning that summed up the reasons for defeating it quite eloquently and succinctly:

This is not what America is all about. In the land of the free and the home of the brave, what is more free than letting people marry who they love and what is more brave than accepting someone despite his or her differences? Who I marry doesn't diminish who you marry in any way, shape or form.

(from Dorothy Surrenders)

This election season (like the one 4 years ago) has me a little worried. I mean, if America is content with this complete apathy and hatred, why do I persist in living here? (Aside from the whole "because you don't speak French, stupid" part.) I was reading the Huffington Post last night and saw an article written by Alan Cumming. Alan is why I'm staying. If people like us don't stay, then the rednecked idjits win. Not only that, he's fighting to come in to this country and be part of the solution. Here are a few parts I liked:

Now I understand that election stump speeches are partly about trying to make people feel better/confident/happy/deluded but I am really shocked that a political party in a country that so trumpets its democracy and freedom is offering its voters such a shoddy product, and WORSE, they are still buying it!! (I thank you, my fellow Americans!)

So why? Is loyalty the value that Republicans vaunt above all others? Above common sense? Are the right of America all colluding in a giant version of the Emperor's New Clothes?

and

I actually have so much sympathy right now for the hundreds of Republicans out there somewhere - well intentioned, well-informed, prepared, lucid for goodness' sake - who must be utterly furious that they were overlooked for the VP post. Imagine being a doctor and thinking you're about to be made a partner in the practice and then the receptionist who's a big fan of Grey's Anatomy gets it over you and we're beginning to understand how those poor people must be feeling.

(from Why Is America So Content With Mediocrity?)

So for now, I wait. I spread the word, I challenge viewpoints, I blog, and I vote. Do you?

Labels: misc, news

The stripping this morning was okay. As it turns out, I was pretty much ready to go on my own. We did it anyway to see if things would speed along. Here it is, 9 hours later, and there's nothing to report. Granted, our midwife said to expect something in 24-48 hours, but I'm an impatient bitch.

Like you didn't know.

Pregnancy-wise, I'm in a decent space. However, because it seems the pissed off quotient hadn't been met for the day, our email decided to quit working. Several calls to various support people has resulted in a promised solution in 24-48 hours. Gee, THANKS, Slime Warner! Luckily, web connectivity is still around, so keep checking here. If you sent an email in the last day and haven't heard back, you know why. We're not ignoring you. We're ignoring everybody. :)

Which do you think will win? Will we have a baby or working email first? The race is on!

Labels: anticipating, Bean, misc

Who me? Oh, I'm fine... still pregnant. And you?

Our midwife's sick today, so no stripping until tomorrow. I was talking with my mom about the process and she likened it to "scraping off that white bit of goo on a chicken breast." Not the most appealing thought, but (as I pointed out) you're not eating this anyway. Ick. What is appealing is the thought that, if the process works, Bean could be here 24 hours later. Wouldn't that be a loverly change of pace?

So, while I sit here with my thumb up my butt counting down the hours until then, it seems Ringo Starr is doing enough stuff to make up for my inertia. In fact, he's doing so much stuff that he just can't be bothered by fans any longer. Any fan mail postmarked after October 20 will be unceremoniously trashed, and Ringo will no longer be signing any autographs. Click here to hear the message straight from the horse's ass mouth. Because he's busy, busy, busy! Doing stuff! Can't be bothered!

Peace and love, peace and love... Whatever.

Labels: anticipating, Bean, misc

I've been reading some lesbian mommy blogs. On several they refer to the non-birth mom as the "other mother." This really bugs me. It diminishes the part that woman plays in the pregnancy, birth and rearing of that child. And what of couples like us? We are planning to each carry a child using the same donor. In doing so, we'll both be birth mothers, both "other mothers" and the kids will be biologically related.

Which got me thinking about how related relatives are. Since I'm (still!) carrying this child, is it somehow more related to my side of the family than my sweetie's? My answer would be a resounding hell no. When Nat gives birth to our second child, will that kid be tied any less closely to me or my side? Again, hell no.

Take this comparison. My aunt and uncle have two adopted sons and one biological daughter. I doubt anyone in our family gives a second thought to how they're related. I have three cousins, not one complete cousin and two "other" cousins. I mean, how effing ridiculous does that even sound?? To put it another way: If my sweetie was a man, but we ended up using a donor, would the baby be any less his? Would my mother-in-law have any less claim to that child? No and no. Shouldn't the same hold true for us? California recognizes Nat as the parent from the moment of conception, and why wouldn't they? She is a parent, not an "other" parent.

At the end of the day, our Bean has two mommies. Neither of us is more a mom than the other, and neither side of the family is more related to that kid than the other. My sister is just as related to Bean as Nat's brother. Today's mish-mosh, blended families have proven that "relative" has nothing to do with blood ties. Even the microcosm of my family has taught me that, and I think that we're a far more interesting brood as a result.

Labels: Bean, misc

There's a debt clock/ticker in New York that was erected in 1989 to display our national debt. At the time, it had more than enough room to display the then-current amount of $2.7 trillion. Problem is, we've maxed out the space. We're now more than 10 trillion dollars in debt. To accommodate the need for more debt, the sign makers are adding two extra digits. Provided that first digit can go from 1-9, then it means the new ticker will be able to display almost a quadrillion dollars of debt - that's fifteen zeros. At some point the numbers become meaningless. I mean, seriously, what's another hundred trillion or so amongst friends? (Or as McCain calls us, "his fellow prisoners." Reminds me of debtors' prisons.)

Now, just to put this in a little perspective - and because you know I have to point this stuff out - Reagan, Bush the Elder and Bush the Stupider have *increased* the debt to GDP ratio by 44.4% since 1981. Clinton managed to chip away 8.8% of that before Dubya undid all his work and then some. (Granted, this is only an estimate, since Bush the Stupider still has a little bit more time to wreak havoc.) With the bailout package and the horrific state of the economy, I wonder just how high all of these numbers will climb?

Labels: misc, news, politics

If you're reading this post, then you probably fall into one of four categories:

• You've likely decided upon your electoral choice and it's probably Obama.


• You've stumbled across this blog, or are one of the few people I know who is undecided, and are looking for help in determining your candidate.


• You're totally lost, and think that I'm somehow a right-wing supporter, so chances are you won't even click the link below to read the author's valid arguments regarding white privilege.
  
  (If this defines you, how the hell did you end up here? That was one messed up Google search, dude!)


• You're sick of all the election shit and are just wondering if I'm still pregnant. I am. But you should read the article anyway.

"This is Your Nation on White Privilege" by Tim Wise


(Thanks, Shannon!)

Labels: misc, politics

I came across this flow chart of Sarah Plain's performance during Thursday's VP debate. What's hilarious about it (or very, very scary depending on how you look at it), is this is her modus operandi for ALL interviews:



I also have to agree with Chris Matthews' opinion that she presented like she was in a spelling bee.

"M-A-V-E-R-I-C-K. Maverick."

Labels: misc, politics

My mom just sent this link, which was pretty interesting. You simply click the politician's statement with which you agree most. I entered into it figuring I'd easily be able to spot who's stance was who's. Though the outcome wasn't a surprise (all but one matched Obama), I was a little shocked to see how tricksy those statements can be when pulled as single sound bites. (Feel free to insert your "DUH!" here.)

Try the quiz yourself and see what comes of it: Match-O-Matic II.

(Thanks, Mom!)

Labels: misc, politics

Sorry - didn't mean to psych you out. No, the baby didn't arrive in the wee hours of the morning. Today marks the first birthday of our pup, Finn.



We adopted him from the Pasadena Humane Society and since we didn't have an official birth date for him, we decided that October 1 seemed as good a date as any.

If any of you are looking for a pet, I can't recommend the Humane Society enough. The one in Pasadena is particularly nice - the people and the environment - and there are great animals there waiting for a loving home. Just look at Finn and you know I'm not lying.

Also, if you or anyone you know is in the market for a kitten specifically, we rescued a litter in our backyard last week. One of the bunch stands out as the sweetest, most docile, playful and best suited for a family. He's now at the Humane Society and needs a good home. Pass it on...

Labels: misc

Did you see the latest Tina Fey as Sarah Palin sketch? No? Take a gander:



I am simultaneously scared, angry and amused. Scared and angry at how very, very close an SNL skit comes to reality and amused at how dead-on Tina is as van Palin.

Didja hear the other news? Apparently Sarah's daughter Bristol and her fine (cough) upstanding (cough) baby daddy Levi are planning to get married (choke, gag) in early November... right before the election. As Church Lady would say, "Isn't that timing conveeeeenient?" You can check out their (fake) registry here: JCPenney.

I just hope more people realize that McCain's entire campaign is smoke and mirrors. Wake up and smell the b.s. y'all!

Oh, as if that isn't enough, pop over to BBC where they've compared McCain's probability of winning to that of Sarkozy - you know, the president of France. I take some measure of comfort in the fact that this article was written by a Republican adviser and speechwriter.

Labels: misc, politics

We just watched the season premier of Dexter (good, wholesome family entertainment... oh, hush - my first movie was Deliverance and I turned out just fine...). Anyway, the preview for next week's show had the best description of a new baby:

"A roly poly, chubby-cheeked shit machine."

Sounds about right.

Labels: misc

We just got done watching the presidential debate and its subsequent commentary on MSNBC. Not that this is a huge surprise, but I thought McCain just sounded like an asshat every time he opened his gob. Plus, I thought his body language was very telling - especially the fact that he didn't look at Obama once in the whole 1.5 hours. When McCain called himself a maverick, I could only wonder if "maverick" was somehow from the Latin for "exact same shit as Bush."

What did you think?

Labels: misc, politics